October 31, 2007

for the fun of it...

Do you know what today is? Nope- you are wrong. Well, not wrong, but that is not what I'm asking about. It is NaNoWriMo eve!!!!! For those who haven't been around me in November before, NaNoWriMo is short for National Novel Writing Month. And what is that, you ask. It is the challenge to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November.

That's write, a novel in 30 days. It can be done and is done many times over every November. I, personally, have done it twice before (2004 and 2005) and I'm excited to give it another whirl this year (and yes, I won both previous attempts!).

I am also the ML for the Colorado Springs region- in other words, I'm the one who organizes events for the city. Thankfully I have some help this year- the lovely Miss Pottenger and my friend Dianna.

So if you are trying to get in touch with me in the next 30 days, I might not answer right away. But don't be alarmed- I'm just writing the next most amazing novel!!

October 28, 2007

human, thou art a pickle...

Well, maybe not a pickle, but I wanted to say fickle and that looked bad so I didn't want it in the title :). But that has been on my mind lately and I thought I should share.

As most of you know, last November I went to Namibia, Africa, with the PeaceCorps. And I decided to return home a month later. It was a very difficult decision but it was the right one. However, that left me a huge question on what to do now with my life. I was told that I had to wait a year to reapply for PC service (which was and is very much on my mind and heart)- so I thought, fine, I'll wait. And that is what I've been doing.

But as I have waited I've been thinking and praying about what I should do. Just because I want to reapply for PC doesn't mean I should. And for 11 months, God has been rather quiet on that topic (as well as most others, to be honest). I have been so conflicted in my own soul about going or staying that I finally quit asking for direction and begged God to just make the choice for me- tell me what to do and I would gladly do it.

Then, two weeks ago, the engine on my car seized up (basically, it is dead and not able to be revived). This happening on the tail of hitting the raccoon and the $1000 repairs from that. So all the sudden, I am looking at buying a new car or repairing mine to the tune of $3000- Ouch! As I talked it over with my dad I can to see that either way, the car situation has essentially sealed the decision for me because I can't apply to PC with that amount of debt (and as I'm not working, I am in debt for the repairs...).

So, I should be giddy with delight because God made the decision for me, right? But was that my first response? Of course not. My initial response was, "Couldn't we have done something a little less expensive?" quickly followed by "If not PC, then what on earth am I supposed to do?". And then, I got mad that I felt like PC had been taken off my plate- I still wanted that option. It took me several days to realize that God had done exactly what I had prayed for and I was storming around like an ill-behaved child. Honestly, I sometimes wonder why God puts up with me.

This is a new starting point for me. Now that I know I'm sticking around for at least the next two years or so. I still need more employment (because I have the debt to repay- and I hate being in debt of any kind) and it would be nice to have a clue as to what I should be spending my time doing. I'm trying not to miss life in my search for why I was created- but some days that is difficult. Who knows, maybe God will answer Will's prayer and send me a boyfriend (that child wants me married by my next birthday- but Dara is praying for a bit more time so she can be there). At least Will can rest in knowing I'm not going anywhere for the time.

And with that, I'm off to unpack a few more boxes that I've avoided for the last year in hope. I will try not to be so fickle in the future but please don't hold your breath- I am human after all!

October 24, 2007

not what I really want to say...

I have some deep thoughts to post about, but it is already late and I have to get up early tomorrow, so I can't say what I want to say or I will be super tired for my first day :) Yep, I'm starting a "new" job tomorrow. I'll be the Thursday receptionist at church. I am very thankful for this opportunity as it will give me a chance to be of more service to PRC, give me a little more income and keeps my evenings open for some other job...

But check back soon to hear all that other stuff. And thanks to Sarah and Jo for posting comments and for being wonderful and encouraging and true blessings in my life. Sarah- it was great to talk with you and see you this week. Jo- I miss having you around for hugs and hanging out. One of these days we will have to connive to cross paths in real life again :)

October 17, 2007

spinning and twirling...

It has been a year since I left Compassion. Can you believe it? And a year since I quit working as producer at church. Almost a year since I went to Africa...

I'm not sure I have much to show for my year. I've enjoyed my time of reflecting and relaxing but the stress of not having a regular job and income is getting to me. And the stress of not knowing what I'm going to do next (and feeling like it is time to make a decision) doesn't help. Nor does the car situation.

I feel like I need to talk about it with someone, but I'm not sure who the right person is. I don't know anyone else who has been where I am- so the next best thing is to find someone really wise who also knows me. I have a few people in mind- I just wish I didn't feel like I was imposing on them by asking for time and advice. I know, that is my own issue.

To top it all off, I have been really wanting to get a pet- my very own. This year I've been getting kitty time and puppy time from my friend's pets, but I'm ready for my own again. But without a good job and some idea of what my future is going to look like, I can't get a pet (family rules, not mine). And not having a pet only adds to my depression...

Sorry, this is really a downer post, isn't it. I'll try to lighten up. The good thing is, it is Wednesday. And that means that my two new favorite shows are on tonight. Bionic Woman and Life. Haven't seen them? You should check them out! They are on NBC.

Okay, so, if you think about it, pray for me- that I would find some direction or make a decision or something. I love the fall but I'm tired of feeling like a leaf on the wind...

October 10, 2007

the dainty little dichotomy of daily living

Here is a blast from my past. I wrote this three years ago, October 2004. Funny (and I mean that in the ironic way) how we come full circle sometimes. I still feel like many of the things I talked about here are relevant. My life is still full of dichotomy...

So now, for your reading pleasure...

dichotomy-noun-division into two usually contradictory parts or opinions. A division or forking into branches.

Okay, so I'm a huge sci-fi fan. I love to play the "What If" game (even to my mental detriment). The idea that every choice we make, every word we speak, every muscle we move, puts us on one possible path of all the choices we had fascinates me.

And then it comes down to reality. When Dichotomy is staring you in the face, like the allegorical figures of old, and he is wielding his very sharp, double-edged sword in your direction, fear and panic wash over and you long for simplicity. Black and white, right and wrong. You wish the Gamekeeper would hand you the rule book and explain exactly what you can and can not do. But the Gamekeeper doesn't come, and you are left there to face down Dichotomy with whatever weapon you have mastered (or worse, whatever you find at your disposal).

While facing this menace, it's easy to feel all alone, confused and unsure of everything you do. To look into the face of a friend and see a stranger, to be expected to offer help when you have no idea that there is a need, to know a person's heart yet hear them speak something that is against all you know about them. You know something so solid in your brain but what you see and feel doesn't line up. In the end, it comes down to faith and trust... just like Peter Pan said. Sadly, I don't think we have any dust... pixie dust.

So, me of little faith has a big journey ahead of me (and truth be know, so much behind me as well). I should be excited, and I am, but I'm also a bit nervous. I've read the stories, I heard the tales, and I know that not every story has a happy ending. It does, however, have the right ending. That's just a hard pill to swallow for the hopeful romantic.

Well, I guess that's about all today (as if that doesn't give you a ton to chew on). I guess I'll just continue down the road... thanks for being there as part of this crazy journey we call life.

October 2, 2007

as the year rolls by...

Can you believe that it is October already? I am having a hard time with that. Lots of reasons, none that I want to go into right now, but still- October?

I applied for a job at the library. Good hours and great pay. Haven't heard back but they said it would take them a week and a half or so, and it has only been a week today. Putting out a few other applications. Lots of places are hiring for the holidays so maybe I can get in on that and be wonderful enough that they will want to keep me.

In other news, I got lots of new books to read!! A family from church blessed me with a gift card to Target as a thank you for helping their adopted daughter acclimate to life in the US (she is from China and was adopted in March). I thought that was sweet. She was in my class when she first came to the US and I worked with her parents to help her get used to being left in the nursery. I did it because they needed the help and I have experience. I wasn't looking for thanks, but it was nice to receive it. So I bought a Jodi P book, Plain Truth, with part of my blessing. Then, today Miss Pottenger invited me in to peruse her collection and let me borrow several. So I snagged another Jodi P book, the first Dresden Files, and a few others.

I'll have to hurry up and read to make my goal of 75 this year. It is the only resolution that I'm anywhere close to keeping, so I feel very motivated to keep it fully. I have 45 titles in my done pile, but there are a few of those I haven't actually finished. I either need to delete them or finish (which might require a complete re-read at this point- yikes!).

Also, I've been writing a slew of new poetry. This is a result of mentoring on CleanPlace and doing the poetry challenges. I figure I can't challenge the teens to do something I haven't done- so lots of new poems are coming out of me. It is kinda nice to know I can still write a decent poem once in a while. I'll post more of them soon.

And I entered the Family Circle Short Fiction contest. I thought my story was good, one of the best I've written. Just waiting for the end of the month to see if it goes anywhere.

Leave me a comment and let me know what you are up to!